The Consequences of bad behavior or…
Why Paris Hilton is going to jail!

 

As the mother of three children who all grew up to be law abiding citizens and outstanding people, and as a former (17 years) teacher of grades 4 through 12, I have some experience in less than desirable behavior in children.

I remember when I was in college taking some education courses. The worse fear voiced by my classmates was the fear of not being able to control the children. Call me inexperienced or over confident, but I had no fear of being the one in control in the classroom.

When I was growing up there was a clear set of rules of behavior. These rules were not kept a secret from me. They were expected of me. Furthermore, I knew the consequences of breaking these rules because I was forced to “take my punishment” when I either deliberately or inadvertently crossed the line.

Were my family child abusers? Were they overly harsh? I don’t think so. What I think is that they loved me and made these rules for two reasons: to keep me safe while I was young, and guide me into being able to conduct myself in mature manner and make good decisions when I was on my own. I will share just a few of their rules and the consequences of breaking them with you. Here’s how they did it.

They both worked so I was expected to come straight home from school, pick up the phone and call them. The one time I didn’t do this I was picked up from a girlfriend’s house and taken home by the police. I had ridden my bike there so the bike was confiscated for a month. Ouch!

One of the rules was that I was supposed to walk on the sidewalk and not cut across people’s lawns. There was woman a few doors down that none of the kids liked. One day on the way home from school several of us walked right through her flower bed and tore it up as much as we could. My parents knew about my part in it before I ever got in the door.

Without saying much of anything, except that they were disappointed that I would do such a thing, they put me in the car and took me to the local nursery where I was allowed to spend all my saved up allowance on new flowers for her garden. The rest of the afternoon was spent planting them in her garden while she looked on from her porch.

None of my friends had to help me with this so I learned early on that the consequences of bad behavior would not be lightened by sharing. That evening we had a nice dinner and nothing else was ever said about the incident again. Believe me though I "got" it!

Yes, at times I pitched a few tantrums and told them they were unfair but this fell on deaf ears. If I got too obnoxious I was sent to my room to cool off.

Frequently I would hear the mother of one of my friends say, “If I told you once, I told you a hundred times not to do that.” Telling me more than once was a luxury my parents never gave me. So I had to listen really good the first time.

I had a nice life and a lot of privileges, perhaps not as many as Paris Hilton, but I think I had something she didn’t have – parents who loved me enough when I was little to see to it that I had a clear idea of how things are in the world. And that bad behavior always has consequences and that they would not bail me out.

If you are having trouble controlling your child no matter what age, it’s never too late to start being the parent in the family. Your child needs it and expects it.

Make fair rules. Make sure your child knows these rules. Have immediate and appropriate consequences for breaking these rules. Do not lose your temper. Be loving and consistent. Only say things once. To really get their attention, whisper!

And never feel guilty because you are doing your best to get your child ready for life! It’s your job and your responsibility. There’s no one else.

Shoshana Bailey
Mother
B.A. Speech
M.A. Specific Learning Disabilities
Copyright 2007